The Awakening
by John Reed
Summary: After episode 3-15. Elena realizes something and is finally willing to admit it. Not a missing scene, so not a part of "Lying to Herself". Just my fantasy...


_This scene, which is not missing but will never be seen, begins after the end of Season 3, Episode 15 - "All My Children"..._

Elena knew it was getting late, but she still couldn't force herself go back to her empty home.

She couldn't stand staying there alone after she had read the note from Elijah. It was intended to be a note of apology, but to her it was more. It was an indictment. His comments about doing things he abhorred to protect what he valued, his statement that she should understand it, cut her to the core.

She left, she couldn't stay there, she couldn't go to Bonnie's or to Caroline's. With the way she had treated Damon and the way Stefan was treating her, she couldn't go the Boarding House. Also, she was sure Alaric was with Meredith, so went to the Grill.

She found a small table in an isolated corner and sat against the wall, looking around herself but not really seeing. She was thinking, remembering.

Stefan had ignored her call earlier today. When Damon finally answered but said nothing, when she went to him only to see Rebekah leaving with a smirk directed at her, she accused him of lashing out at her. It was only then that she realized what she had done, how much she had hurt him.

But even then she tried to talk to him, asked him why he was "doing this". If she could just have his attention long enough, she knew she could get through to him. But Stefan interrupted them, and she gave up.

She later vented to Bonnie about Damon, but knew very well that Damon was reacting to what she had done, to what she said. After all Damon had done for her, she insulted his reason for doing it. She called his love a problem. Could she have expected any other reaction from him? She had taken everything he offered, talked him into facing hybrids and Originals for her, but she had given him virtually nothing in return.

She glanced around the Grill again, but still wasn't seeing anything. She finally folded her arms on the table and buried her face into them. She was getting so tired, but couldn't stop thinking about the awful day, the things done for her and by her.

Even though Stefan was acting civil towards her again, even though it had raised her hopes for him, for them, he acted like he had no feelings for her anymore. Really, she began to wonder about her's for him. So much had been revealed about Stefan in the last few months. She knew he had done some awful things shortly after he turned so long ago. She had read his journal herself, talked to Stefan about it. Still, she thought that nothing Stefan had done could approach what she knew Damon had done, what she had seen Damon do.

She had always thought that Stefan was better than Damon, somehow. Stefan didn't want to hurt people, learned to live on animal blood. His sins were far in the past, or so she thought before Damon took her to Chicago. Before she saw the names of his victims written on the wall.

Even then it was hard to accept that it was Stefan doing the damage around them, until he did the same right in front of her. Until he bit her. She blamed it on Klaus' compulsion at first, but later learned that he was still in control of himself. Stefan might still love her, though he made no such statement to her face, he might still be trying to keep Klaus from her, but he had given up on her. He had given up on what she thought was right.

Damon still cared. When she complained to Stefan that all of Esther's family would be killed, he called them 'collateral damage'. He didn't care what she thought. When she mentioned it to Damon, although he still disagreed with her, Damon could at least tell that the situation mattered to her. His question to her about it was snarky, sarcastic, but she could at least talk to him about it, tell him her concerns. Their conversation about it might have been more civil if she hadn't hurt him so recently.

She pulled her head up, and rubbed her head with her hands, elbows on the table, as she continued to think. She had gotten so close to Damon recently. She had become a little afraid to be alone with him, not afraid that he would do anything she didn't want him to, but afraid because she knew her feelings would show. Damon had a way of bringing them out when she was alone with him.

She hadn't stopped him from kissing her. She expected to regret it, to eventually get upset about it, but she didn't. When Stefan finally quit being a jerk to her, when she pulled the wood out of him after he was shot with it, she told him about kissing Damon. She also told Stefan that she didn't feel guilty about it, and it was true. As much as she expected to, she felt no guilt and no regret.

Her head was still in her hands, her mind still racing, when her thoughts were interrupted by a soft conversation taking place nearby.

"She won't want to see you." She almost lifted her head, but it was Stefan speaking. She didn't want to see him.

"She needs someone." Elena barely heard Damon. "Look at her. She shouldn't be alone."

"She'll just bite your head off." Stefan said.

"If that's what she needs," Damon said, his voice still soft. "It's not like I have anything else to lose with her."

She could hear him, feel him as he sat next to her. She hoped it was Damon, but just in case, she waited until he spoke.

"Elena?" Damon was a little shocked when she lifted her head. She looked desperate and maybe a little afraid.

As soon as her eyes met his she whispered "I'm sorry."

"What?"

She bit her lip and repeated "I'm sorry, Damon. So sorry."

He looked concerned. This was not what he expected to hear.

"You've done so much for me," Elena continued, barely above a whisper. "I had no right to treat you the way I did at the Ball, or … or ever."

"You know what I did earlier tonight, don't you?" His tone wasn't harsh, but it was serious.

Elena nodded. "You turned Abby into a vampire."

Now he looked slightly confused. "And you're OK with that?"

Elena shook her head, still looking miserable. "No, but it was my fault. I'm the one who insisted on seeing Esther. I'm the one she used for her spell. I'm the one who lied to Elijah about what she was doing." She buried her head into her hands again. "It was my fault. You were right."

He reached over to touch her cheek. "Elena, it's OK," he said softly.

She lifted her head and looked at him again. "You're the one who…fixed it. You're the one who saved me, even after I ignored you, after what I said to you."

She could barely look him in the eyes as she spoke. His fingers were under her chin again. The look she had seen so recently, the look he had when he had brought her home after Stefan nearly drove her off of the bridge, was on his face.

Last time she told he couldn't kiss her again. This time she reached behind his head to pull it towards her, closed the gap and kissed him.

She was relived when he did nothing to stop her. She released him sooner than she wanted to, but she needed to take a breath.

She knew she was a little calmer than she had been when they first started talking. The fact that he let her kiss him helped relieve one of her worries.

"You told me I couldn't do that again, that it wasn't right." he reminded her.

"You said that it was right. It is. I can see that now."

His face was serious, even after the kiss, but a small smirk appeared. "You know, Stefan is watching."

She managed to hold his eyes, to not look at Stefan. She was sure he was right his brother watching. "I know. He's made his choice, his choice to get his Klaus revenge - everything else be damned ." She did let her eyes close and took a breath before she opened them again. "I'm just sorry it took me so long, that I've been so stup…"

"Stubborn," Damon interrupted. "It's Ok."

"Do you forgive me?"

Damon's smirk got just a little bigger. "It might take some time, some persuasion."

Elena laughed a little as she shook her head, breathed a sigh of relief and looked away briefly. "Just keep doing what you've been doing… before I insulted you." She quickly met his eyes again. "I'll probably still make mistakes."

He had her chin again, he was moving in as he said, "Sure. But it's OK if sometimes I want to do this…" He hesitated until she nodded.

The kiss was longer this time, they were both more relaxed. Again, it was her need for breath that caused her to break it off.

She just looked into his eyes as she caught her breath, wondering why she had been so afraid of the feelings she had for him.

She was about to speak, when he said, smirking again, "Stefan's not watching now."

Elena leaned back against her chair and the wall. "I don't need his attention anymore."

Damon nodded. "Still, he might try to win you back."

"Let him try," she said with a small laugh. "I know you both better now."

"Good," the vampire replied. "And don't worry, I'll make sure he gets his revenge on Klaus."

Elena smiled. With Rebekah away from her, with Damon next to her, she felt safe again. Though things between her and Damon were changing, though she had acted really idiotic around him the last couple of days, she had been reassured that his love for her was intact – and she decided it was time that she give some of her own in return.

* * *

><p><em>If something like this finally happens on the show (and I really hope it does), it will probably be a long time. The TV people seem to think they need the triangle...<em>

_But this is my Fantasy-Land, and I'll do this if I want to..._

_And I'll do it again (and again) if I want to..._


End file.
